Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize