woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize