looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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