Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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