yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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