I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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