My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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