i jhust puked up my retainher.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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