They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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