That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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