i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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