i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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