My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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