Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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