i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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