the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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