he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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