it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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