how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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