I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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