I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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