Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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