well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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