Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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