So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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