It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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