If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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