I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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