and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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