I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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