Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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