Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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