I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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