is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
