the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize