Got a toothbrush?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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