I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
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I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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