Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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