I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize