The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
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I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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