I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize