I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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