I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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