1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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