I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize