i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want a musical about memes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize