You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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