Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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