dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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