I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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